New Member-Need help with son's school "impulsivity"

[Jennifer]

Hi,



I am a new member. My family (husband, son and I) recently moved (without our 18 year old daughter-she's in college now) to a new area of California. My son goes to public school and has always had a more difficult time at school than others. This year we had to obtain an IEP and are still struggling. Off and on school will be satisfactory and very difficult. On the weekends things are much much better; his behavioral issues are almost non-existent. We do see some issues when he doesn't get enough stimulation, meals on time, sleep, or exercise though.



Down to my specific question-recently his school principal and resource room teacher said that his impulsive behavior was causing some problems for him at school. They actually mentioned medication (in a way that was gentle and not demanding-still bothered me greatly. we don't want to medicate our son). How can I work with my son to help him keep himself to himself? Some of the "impulsive" behaviors are: crossing the classroom and waving papers at classmates during a group literature project, wiggling his hands in others faces, grabbing our dogs legs (generally after he is somewhat hurt because of playing with the dog), reading a book page aloud to classmates while standing and bouncing his hands and body weight off a table (on a rainy afternoon), and revenge type reactions to peers (i.e. yelling, stomping feet, etc.).



This weekend (after the talks I had with his school), our son played with a cousins, one on one play most of the time (though often there was another child around either older or younger than him), there were no out of the ordinary problems; in fact all was very easy...



In general, our son is emotionally sensitive and very wiggly...an OT recently evaluated his core body strength and hand strength and found his strength to be notably weaker than others his age. We have exercises to do with him but are still trying to work it into our already busy routine-and give him free play time!



Sorry for the long post-I will provide more information if it'll help anyone in helping me address my son's "impulsivity".



Thanks!



Jenny

[Sheila]

Dear New Member,

Welcome! Jenny

Thanks for reaching out. How old is your son? Based on what you have described thus far, I do have some suggestions.
I would have your child evaluated for Speech and language. Behavior is directly linked to how one communicates. I would also look into sensory learning systems, which are drug free.
I also would have the school do mind mapping and you can do it at home as well. When there is a problem at school or at home, fold a 8 1/2 by 11 sheet in half then again in halves until four boxes appear on top and four on the bottom. Have your child create a picture sequence of what occurred before, during and after the upset or problem. This will help pin point what the child saw. I found with my son sequencing of events was a major problem. This left my son not seeing cause and effect. the mind mapping can help focus your attention on what led up to the upset or action the child took incorrectly. You might find the child was "reacting" to something done to them or a misunderstanding they had of a situation.

My son loved this little exercise. It got him off the upset and in a creative mode to resolve and look at his upset. This works well instead of yelling and punishing. Let them use colored pencils to really enhance the drawings.

I hope this helps. In addition, consider looking on our website for the HATCH AMENDMENT LETTER to file with your son's school so they KNOW you don't was pychiatric services, but educational solutions. Keep in touch.

[Jennifer]

Our son is 8 and 1/2. I don't think speach and language are the issue he is reported by all as having good language skills and a vocabulary above expected grade level; though his does still suck his thumb.

Sensory issues are likely a problem. I think the mapping sounds good. The school is trying to verbally problem solve with him but a picture form might be better; I'll try it at home.

Other suggestions are definately welcome! Are Waldorf or other types of schools a better choice than mainstreem public? What do other parents do for schooling?...I don't have the temperment for home schooling and think the he'd be missing peers too much too.

Thanks,

Jenny

[Sheila]

I couldn't home school either. Patricia Weathers, Cofounder of Ablechild homeschooled both her boys. She would have the best suggestions for private schools as well. You can email her directly at ablechild off our home page. I will have her take a look at this posting as well.

I didn't think my son at 7 had an issue with speech and language because he was very verbal, very early. I say this only to share my strength and hope, I am not saying this is what your son has or needs. From my experience I learned sequencing is part of speech that he was missing, and therefore my son had difficulty seeing and incorporating cause and effect which directly effects behavior. In addition there are many other parts of speech and language that if one doesn't "get" makes it very hard to learn. Today, I am proud to say my son has been accepted to several colleges and is a senior in high school. He accomplished this with tutoring services like a Sylivan Learning Center, I used a place called SCORE. Worth every red cent! In addition, he was never on meds, even know the school recommended them and pushed them on me. (I heard we have nothing else to offer him and if I wanted to truly help my son I should do it..little caring pressure selling points on a regular basis, they knew best...) I fought it, and I am very glad I did. He is a beautiful, funny, outgoing young man. He also is one of the reasons why AbleChild.org was created along with the helping hands of many other moms and dads who fought the system and said there must be a better, safer, more freedom based way to educate our children. I hope you continue to visit our forum and spread the word to others that there is a label and drug free support group out here just waiting to help you achieve a meaningful fear free approach to sending your child to school. I know I continue to believe on the path I am on.

sequence |ˈsēkwəns|
noun
1 a particular order in which related events, movements, or things follow each other : the content of the program should follow a logical sequence.
• Music a repetition of a phrase or melody at a higher or lower pitch.
• Biochemistry the order in which amino acid or nucleotide residues are arranged in a protein, DNA, etc.
2 a set of related events, movements, or things that follow each other in a particular order : a grueling sequence of exercises | a sonnet sequence.
• a set of three or more playing cards of the same suit next to each other in value, for example 10, 9, 8.
• Mathematics an infinite ordered series of numerical quantities.
3 a part of a film dealing with one particular event or topic : the famous underwater sequence.
4 (in the Eucharist) a hymn said or sung after the Gradual or Alleluia that precedes the Gospel.
verb [ trans. ]
1 arrange in a particular order : trainee librarians decide how a set of misfiled cards could be sequenced.
• Biochemistry ascertain the sequence of amino acid or nucleotide residues in (a protein, DNA, etc.).
2 play or record (music) with a sequencer.
PHRASES
in sequence in a given order.
ORIGIN late Middle English (sense 4) : from late Latin sequentia, from Latin sequent- ‘following,’ from the verb sequi ‘follow.’